Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize