listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
