I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
