Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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