I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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