my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize