I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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