would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
