this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
