omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
