If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He better not be in your backpack
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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