if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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