i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
why is half of my head shaved?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize