He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dignity is for republicans.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
