I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i came on her dog
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
