There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize