Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
