Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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