I am puke
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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