Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
