it hurts more in the daytime
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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