I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
