2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
