Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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