3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
