We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
