Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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