You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
