The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
