I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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