i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize