I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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