So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
