I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
