In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
