You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
