Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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