I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
