he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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