I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
