I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
