Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize