It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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