I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
