I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
