so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
