I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We have started to decorate penises.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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