Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
