this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
