if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
