it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize