fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
