Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
