Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
