the condom got lost in my hair
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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