Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
