what if every blade of grass was a penis?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
