im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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