You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
