i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
