Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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