I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
