My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
