why didn't you poke me back
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize