She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
