Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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