Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
