In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
