i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I could make wine with my vomit
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You took a bar mat shot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
