i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
