I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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