Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
