booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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