bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
