After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
