The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize