so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
