And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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