It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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