Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
