I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
