Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
