Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
