so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
