So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
