does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
